It has come to my attention that I need to be clear about some things I'm writing, or maybe even the purpose of this blog. The purpose of this blog was/is to try and show you who I am/was, and possibly why I am/was who I am/was. It's also here to provide some guidance in case something happens to me; some parenting tips from beyond the grave. Many parenting actions occur by giving direct instruction; usually that's followed up with the child (i.e. you) witnessing the parent (i.e. your mom and me) putting those instructions into practice. So for example, I might tell you to be mindful of your surroundings and to consider other people's needs above your, I then might demonstrate that (even if I don't realize I'm doing it which is most common) by noticing there's someone a few steps behind me heading to the same door I am and holding the door open for them, letting them go through first. So instruction was given, then it was reinforced with me putting my own instruction into practice, showing how it's done.
Sometimes the instruction isn't ever demonstrated, maybe due to a lack of opportunity to demonstrate; sometimes the parents' actions are in direct contradiction to the instruction; sometimes no instruction is given and all the child has to go off of is demonstration. Hopefully my instruction and demonstration are rarely in contradiction; hopefully the only time no demo is provided are for things that can't obviously be demoed; hopefully you'll always inquire about my actions so I can provide instruction, even if it's after the fact. But the point of this post, mainly, is to clarify that things I write about might be in contradiction to my actions. And, because actions speak louder than words, many times lessons are lost. I will promise you, Isaac, if you ever question my actions when they're in conflict with what I've instructed that I will either explain to you how that situation was different than the instruction, or I will admit that I either messed up that once or that I'm too weak to actually do it. Sometimes the explanation will probably come off as an excuse, but I promise you they are not.
I recently (keep in mind when this was posted) heard someone comment on parenting tips sometimes being inconsistent with their actions, or the worry of parents coming off as hypocritical, especially with subjects such as drugs, alcohol, or pre-marital sex. I don't remember the exact quote, but the sentiment was something along the lines of, "Saying 'Do as I say and not as I do' is hypocritical... saying 'Do as I say and not as I did' is called parenting." I agree with that 95%; I think there's a little bit of room in there for some things such as character flaws. And this leads to the point of this post:
Just because I list desired traits, ways of thinking, abilities, etc. that I want you to have, doesn't mean I possess them to any great amount, if at all.
I stated near the beginning all the fears I have, those are genuine. I want you to be better than me... every parent should want that. Are there things I'm going to talk about here that are mirrored in me? Of course, but there are plenty of things I don't have. Just because I might say I want you to be a person who seeks out doing good for others doesn't mean I'm the end all, be all source of reaching out. Not only are there things about my personality I don't want you to have, there are plenty of things I do want you to have that I don't. Maybe I don't have a strong enough will to do these things; maybe I'm not disciplined enough; heck, maybe I like to think I am a certain way, but I'm really not. The point is, do your best to head my words.
I will do my best to keep my hypocrisy to a minimum, but in order for you to become better than me, in every aspect, you will have to have traits, abilities, thought processes, etc. that I don't have. Just because I know things that will make me a better doesn't mean I have the ability to enact those things.
